the swearing man
by ministop
Summary: "The next time, I heard you swearing, I'll skin you alive. Got that dear?" She was smiling like an angel too bad she always kept her threats.


The Swearing Man

**Disclaimer: I do not own Skip Beat nor its characters.**

**I'm just a humble fan!**

_**Author's note: Don't start any hunting parties for me after reading my FIRST EVER ONE-SHOT. The characters were a bit OOC… Please read**_.

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><p>One lazy hot summer afternoon on Hizuri's unit, the hottest actor was seen lying on the sofa, flipping the channels. His wife, a 27-year old wonderful actress, ex. Kyoko Mogami, now Kyoko Hizuri, was sitting by the sofa reading her script for her new drama.<p>

Ren or known to be Kuon and was currently being bored to death by the channels, had lingered his focus on his lovely wife. And suddenly a wonderful idea had struck him. He smiled seductively.

"Kyoko…" his sexy voice called out his wife's beautiful name, but it didn't faze his lovely wife from her reading.

He turned off the t.v. and once again, called his lovely wife. "Kyoko…"

"Hmm…" the only answered that his wife had produced.

"You know what I'm thinking?" He seductively asked his busy wife, while slowly, like a lazy cat, got up from his position and walked towards behind Kyoko.

"No…" His seductive smile turned into a wolfish grin.

"Well then, I'll just act it and you guess it." He started nibbling Kyoko's white slender neck.

Kyoko moaned, which made Kuon smirked widely; but it didn't stop her from reading her script, instead she told Kuon to stop.

"Ren, not now.. I'm busy."

But Kuon didn't stop nibbling; instead he was now nibbling her ears and breathed to her ear his response.

"But honey, I'm hungry." And started nibbling her ears again.

"There's a cake in the ref." Kyoko sternly answered but still it didn't stop Kuon from achieving his goal. And soon, Kyoko was moaning and telling him at the same time that she was busy.

"Then let's put away your script." As he put away her script, Kyoko's eyes opened widely and sat up, making Kuon fell from the couch.

"Kuon, if you're hungry eat the cake in the ref!" as she said it with a little bit annoyed, while pushing down her blouse to cover her exposed stomach and picked-up her script and started reading again the scene, before she was trapped.

"Damn! And we're getting good." He mumbled to the floor. Kyoko's ears perked up.

"Kuon Hizuri, what did you just say?"

_Ooooops.._

"Nothing honey, just saying I want that cake." Kuon stood up and quickly went to the kitchen to eat his _cake_.

At the kitchen, while Kuon was eating his slice, he was complaining about his unsatisfied appetite.

"Damn! Why does that script be in the way? Damn and we're just getting good! Damn! Damn! Another interrupted chance." He sighed and continued eating his cake.

"Kuon did I just hear you saying 'damn'?" His lovely wife was standing by the counter, with a kind, yet creepy smile on her face.

" 'Shit!' Did I say that? You misheard me Honey. " Kuon gulped.

"Really _dear_? But I definitely hear 4 damns, if you include the one on the sala."

"Honey you just misheard me."

"Oh, so now, you're lying? Kuon Hizuri, what did I told you about lying?" The air was simply getting thicker every minute.

"Oh. _That_. Yes honey, you heard me utter 4 damns, including on the sala." Kuon suddenly admitted. He was very nervous for the air pressure around him was a bit different—in a negative way. But now it's back to normal. It's good not to lie.

Kyoko's smile widened a bit, making Kuon shivered. Kuon blinked while smiling innocently.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

Blink.

Silence.

"KUON! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SWEARING? " Kyoko's smile was still intact and it's a bit creepy, while the air pressure was getting thicker. Kuon on the other hand, was scared out of his wits, but didn't show—the pride of the man.

"That I shouldn't swear." But where did that pride of the man went to?

"And how many times did I have told you that?" She asked sweetly but it's a bit off.

Kuon was scared of his wife when she was mad; she hadn't won the Best Actress award while she was Mio if she wasn't horrifying.

"Ahm… 60 times? " a wild guess.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"KUON HIZURI! IT'S ALREADY 78 TIMES!" luckily his unit was the only one in the floor or else, loud bangings were now being delivered at his door.

"Ah yes.. I'm sorry honey." Ah, the hell with his pride.

She started walking towards Kuon and then leaned. Our faces were a few meters apart but Kuon could see that his wife was not joking.

"The next time, I heard you swearing, I'll skin you alive. Got that _dear_?" She was smiling like an angel too bad she always kept her threats.

"Got that honey." Kuon just gulped.

However it didn't take a month before the threat was said again.

It was 3 days after the threatening that Kuon was faced again in the same situation.

It was Saturday night, and even actors loved watching soccer.

Kuon was watching intently the game, while Kyoko was preparing the dinner.

Kuon was very hooked on the game, that he was jumping and saying 'Horaay!' everytime his favored team got a goal.

But it's just because of one wrong pass the balance was broken.

"Holy shit! Dude, you should've passed it to no. 5!"

A vein popped on Kyoko's forehead.

"Ren…." She called him sweetly. But Kuon didn't hear her. He was too absorbed watching.

"F*ck another missed opportunity!" Kuon was now standing and gaping at the t.v.

"Ren!" But Kuon didn't hear her at all.

"Damn! Stupid! Bull shit! Bastards! Hah! Take that!" and the game ended as well as Kyoko had run out of patience.

"KUON HIZURI!" Now Kyoko got his attention. Kuon seeing her lovely wife a few meters away from him looking like she was ready to deliver someone to the depths of hell had made him pray in silent.

"Kyoko, honey it's…"

"KUON! WHAT DID I TOLD YOU ABOUT SWEARING? "

He gulped. "That you'll skin me alive. " And now noticing that Kyoko was holding a knife didn't help him calm his racing heart. The 'skinning' term had raised into a different level of horror.

"Good, you know now, what will happen to you after dinner. Now, let's eat." She smiled sweetly and it's just too scary.

The dinner went impossibly well for Kuon. Kyoko wasn't ready to skin him anymore. She was charmed by his oh-so-damned sexy husband. And Kuon noted to himself to thank the Gods for giving him these charms.

But this peace didn't last that long. While the couple was washing the dishes, Yashiro called and was looking for Kuon. Kyoko was left with the dishes.

"Ren, you've watched the soccer awhile ago right?"

"Of course, why the hell in the world would I miss that?" he whispered, but it was still caught in Kyoko's amazing hearing range.

"Huh? Ah. Anyway, you should've heard about the Tamaki guy from the loser team, he kicked the ball towards Hideki!"

"What? That Bullshit of a bastard did that?"

"Yeah, turn on the t.v. I think it's still being reported."

And he had turned it on to find it true.

"The hell to that Tamaki! Cursed that mother f*ucker! Shit! Swear that guy will be welcomed to hell. F*ck him!" With those curses, Kyoko's hatred was the dessert of the couple.

"KUON! WHAT DID I TOLD YOU AWHILE AGO?"

Upon hearing Kyoko's murderous voice, Yashiro bid good night to his dear friend. Kuon on the other hand was silently praying to the Gods to spare his life and faced her lovely yet frightening wife. Maybe if he charmed her again, she would forget the threat.

"ah…. That you love me."

Kyoko's face softened. Kuon sighed in relief, his charms were his protection or so he thought.

"Other than that?" Boy he was so wrong.

"Uh… that you'll be getting the dinner ready in 5 mins?" He still tried but try as he could, he will still be punished tonight.

"Kuon, _**other**_ than that?" Her voice was sweet but the word 'other' was dripping with poison.

"That you'll skin me alive, if I ever swear again. " Kuon gave up, he would gladly welcome his death.

Kyoko seeing her husband like he didn't mean to do that, she forgave him.

"Now, if you don't want to be skinned alive, stop swearing!"

"Okay honey, I swear that…" and before he finished his oath, he was greeted by his flying pajama on his face.

**OOF**!

"Why…"

"Kuon what did I told you about S.W.E.A.R.I.N.G?"

"But honey, I swear to the Gods…"

"Kuon what did I told you about S.W.E.A.R.I.N.G?"

"But…"

"No buts… You'll be sleeping on the guest room TONIGHT" and SLAM on his face.

And Kuon knew better not to argue with Kyoko, while she was **that** mad.

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><p>"Yashiro, I swear that I didn't do anything wrong but the Gods are punishing me." The hottest actor was telling the events last night.<p>

"Ren, maybe you swear so much."

"I know, I'm partly wrong, but last night… it's a bit too much. Gods, I didn't know what happen to my kind lovely calm wife. Lately, she's moody, that in the end I'm the one who's suffering from not being satisfied. She sometimes threw up early mornings."

With that, Yashiro concluded the real issue. He couldn't help not to smile.

"Congrats."

"What? You're congratulating me for being punished? What kind of friend are you?" Kuon couldn't understand his so called friend.

But before Yashiro could tell Kuon his conclusion, his phone rang. He picked it up and held the phone away from his ears as soon as he recognized the voice.

"Yashiro Yukihito! Where's my chocolate, strawberry banana split? Get your ass in here!" screamed the phone.

"Kanae sweetie, calm down. I'm coming home now with your split." And with that the phone stopped screaming.

"Wow, Yashiro-san… Kanae is…." He was interrupted by the hasty Yashiro.

"3 months. Let's hurry up before my wife hunts me down."

"I pity you my friend." Kuon sympathized.

"Not too long." Yashiro smiled slyly.

"What?"

"Nothing." And their conversation ended.

Back to Hizuri's household, Kuon was back from his work and so was Kyoko. She told Kuon that she went to the doctors today to see what's wrong with her. Since she got back, she was silent, and Kuon thought that she was still mad at him. And oh boy he was wrong.

He was thinking of ways to ask for forgiveness, and he came up with one. He knelt beside Kyoko which startled Kyoko from her cloudy state.

"Kyoko honey, I'm sorry about swearing.. I PROMISE not to SWEAR that I will try my best to stop myself from swearing… I PROMISE you. So please tell me what's on your mind."

"Kuon… I'm pregnant."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

"Again?**" **Kuon didn't quite catch or still thought that he was dreaming.

"KUON HIZURI. I'M PREGNANT!"

"With who?" Kuon was dumbfounded.

"WITH YOU! WHO ELSE, YOU'RE MY HUSBAND SILLY!"

And with that it finally sunk in his mind.

"I'm going to be a father?" And he swept Kyoko, twirling her in a bridal style.

"Yes dear!" She smiled and kissed Kuon. "Yay! Let's tell Moko-san, she and I are both pregnant."

This rang a bell to Kuon but he couldn't specify the reason.

On their bedroom before they sleep, Kyoko murmured something.

"Kuon, Yashiro told me to deliver you a weird message."

"And what is that?" Kuon raised an eyebrow.

"Good luck comrade!" Kyoko snuggled closely to Kuon's body.

After a few seconds, Kuon muttered something and was planning ways on how to kill his bestfriend and manager. "Damn."

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><p><em><strong>Author's Note: Yay.. the end… My 1st one-shot.. please review.. or comment…<strong>_

_**I'm still writing the chapter 10 for my another story… :D**_


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